Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. I am so glad I’m not trying to get 1,000 words written tonight. ‘Cause instead I’m trying to get my house cleaned, children fed, 27 christmas crafts made, shopping finished, etc, yadda, so on.

Secret? I’m not feeling it. Christmas I mean.

I was up late fighting with Ian about Christmas a couple nights ago. And in the drama of the moment, sleep-deprived and tearful, I sniffled, “I feel like I’m losing my best friend.” And I didn’t mean Ian. I meant Christmas.

Ian and I ended up working things out I think over the weekend. But since then I’ve just been kind of meh about this whole Christmas thing. Where he comes from Christmas IS about big obligations to hang out with a lot of people you have nothing in common with and can’t converse with. So when I get all, “I am PROUD of having one little piece of Christmas where the people I love VERY best can be themselves and I can be myself and having, you know, ONE PART of the day where I don’t have to deal with people for whom I have to put on an act and then AFTER that I would do pretty much anything. I would go to the giantest family supper, or host the giantest family supper or go to freakin’ mcdonalds ’cause I wouldn’t care so long as I had that time to connect with my family,” then he feels like I’m being a scrooge and an elitist. Which I probably am.

I’m just, you know, kind of introverted and easily overstimulated by crowds. If I’m in a crowd, it doesn’t matter if many of them are intimates, I shut down. It’s how I cope.

Anyhow, I suppose the issue is that I’m kind of pre-shut-down now. It’s just two extra people this year, but that makes it a dozen, plus Hannah. And I’m kind of dreading it.

Three more days of work. Hannah stays with my littlest cousin (who’s really not very little anymore) tomorrow and Tuesday.  And then I took the time between Christmas and New Year’s Day off. Which I never do, but this time I have. So that’ll be nice.

Hannah’s been cute-cute-cute this week. She’s talking a bit more. She says, “cat” and “ball” and “mom. mom, mom, mom!” She and I were looking at the Christmas tree, and I pointed at one of the Christmas balls and I said, “what’s that?” And she looked at me like she knew the answer, but she didn’t want to risk being wrong. I said, “that’s a ball.” And then the next time I said, “what is that?” She pointed at it and said, “ball.” Worked very hard to make the “L” sounds too. She’s walking a little bit, and climbing onto the furniture and likes to sit on low things while she plays. I bet she would really like it if we got her a little chair.