One Day I Will Rule the World

World Domination, Babies and Middle Eastern Dance

May 30, 2010


Good news ladies. The men who couldn’t figure out when to tiptoe around you and when to make a move will no longer be so bumblingly clueless.

If I interpret the euphemisms correctly, it’s being marketed as a way to keep track of when your ladyfriends will be available for gettin’ bizay. Though I’m sure you could also use it to know when the ladies of your household will be at their bitchiest.

Also, cuz like, ladies’ bodies are totally predictable. (Which is why, after tragedies involving teenage girls abandoning newborns following a surprise labour, expert men can tell the media with confidence that any woman who says she didn’t know she was pregnant at nine months is lying. Period.)

Oh but wait, it’s also being marketed as social media – so I bet there’s also an element of encouraging young women to share pertinent information so that all the people in their network who care about them can plan around them and their monthly issues. Who wants to sign up with me to see if he’s used Facebook connect so that a facebook application will then prompt us to reveal to our trusted flojuggler network friends when we last bled.

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4 ResponsesLeave one →

  1. judith

     /  2010-05-30


    I picture him with spinning handfuls of used tampons. Or maybe those rubber cups . . .

    Maybe for added accuracy — the deluxe version could measure the chick’s basal temperature as her fingers hit the keyboard.

    Note the names on the pop-up. EMO Ellen — god knows you wouldn’t want to spend more time with her than it took to get in and get out. She might — groan — want to talk, or something.

  2. Alison

     /  2010-05-30

    Just wait until they start marketing this to male office managers so they’ll know when to not give female employees that big project.

  3. Thanks for pointing out this hilarious tool. I love their tagline: “Letting you know when you’ll see Aunt Flo.”


  4. Update: Okay guys, I totally signed up for flojuggler and I didn’t see any sign of social media anything. All I could do was add a long list of ladies with their associated a) last period start date b) days in cycle c) days bleeding.

    It didn’t even ask me to connect with my twitter/facebook/foursquare contacts or ANYTHING. Why won’t someone open up the world of broadcast-menstruation to me?


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