So, molds, right? Starting to get pretty convinced I must have mold somewhere in my life. Maybe at work as well as in my home. Probably different strains – both places smell musty, but work is where my lungs hurt and I get a bad taste in my mouth and I cough all day. Home is where I cannot, cannot, cannot keep my eyes open, no matter if it’s an evening or a weekend, no matter how much sleep I’ve had.

I will probably just hire someone to come inspect the house. Maybe after the wedding.

Not sure quite how to push the mold-detection agenda at work, but I was asking around if anyone else had health problems that seemed to arise at the end of winter and explaining why I’m wondering. One of my coworkers said, “oh? What are your symptoms?”

So I started listing them. Fatigue, swollen glands, chest pain, persistent cough. headaches, weight loss–

Of course I didn’t get any further because she interrupted at “weight-loss”, “Oh, I could use some of that!”

Hahaha.

Slightly reminded me of stories I hear about people telling Cancer patients how great they look after “shedding a few pounds”.

The rant pretty much writes itself. Boo to a culture that privileges looks over health. Boo to the easy extension of “no pain no gain” into an attitude that a bit of starvation or ill health is simply the price for the … er, health benefits (?) of losing weight. Boo to a culture that primes women to presume bonding over fat-hatred trumps sane, sympathetic responses to reasonable complaints.

But on the other hand, I was thinking today about how since about when I started getting sick my period has been SO light. So light that I feel like it’s disappearing. This time around I think it’s lasted maybe 30 hours. And the time between is stretching longer and longer. I wondered if it could also be a symptom of mold. I remember reading one woman’s account of having early menopause because of household mold health issues. And then I confess I thought about how bad it used to be and then thought to myself, “well maybe a little bit of whatever this is is worth it.”

But then, you know, stabbing pains in my glands, breathlessness and coughing fits. I should know better.

I have lost six pounds in the last couple days. I know, I know it’s because I’m not eating. There is nothing remotely mysterious about the weight loss this time – it’s just lack of food, pretty sure. But I am trying so hard to eat, I really am. I have made so many meals in the last few days and then I just sit and push it around with my fork. Eat a mouthful or three and then throw it away. Gross. Everything is gross. There’s half a banana sitting in front of me that I can’t finish. Gross.

So. Tonight, I’m going to order in some Bean and Corn Enchiladas from Las Palapas and surely that will tempt me into eating. And a big order of chips and guacamole. There’s no way I’d pass that up.