Oh boy. I can tell today’s theme is going to be awkward sex talks for various developmental stages. Right now Hannah is unable to stop giggling over the information that grown ups have to get naked together in order to have babies.

We didn’t even get into mechanics. The nakedness info was necessary because when I tried to keep it simple by describing baby-making as “a special kind of cuddle that only adults do”, Hannah looked incredulous and said, “a CUDDLE?! Like how you cuddle a CAT??”

So then I clarified that it was a naked cuddle – and reiterated that only adults do it. And then she raised her eyebrows SO HIGH and I jumped to say, “Yup. It seems really weird. And it’s totally fine that you think it’s weird. ‘Cause it’s just an adult thing and even when you’re an adult, you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to.” And she started laughing and laughing and said, “well I guess I’m never going to have babies.”

Aaaanyhow. Also my oldest is fourteen. And, like, oh my god, how did that happen? So I’ve ordered a couple of teen sex books from amazon because even though I intend to step up my efforts on the talks, I feel like I’ll easily miss a lot. And I feel like if I do miss something or gloss over something, a book is a nice resource to return to when you need to go over something again. No fourteen year old wants to have to go to his mom saying, “I know you explained about [whatever] – but like, go over that again, okay because I’m still having trouble with the concept.”

So the first of the books arrived today and I thought I’d just give it a quick read to vet it and then pass it along to him. But now that I’m reading it, I’m thinking that actually, I’ll maybe sit down with a pen and scribble a few notes throughout it. Like, “if this ever happens to you, TELL ME RIGHT AWAY. I will help you find the right resources as quickly as possible.” or, “Let’s talk about this passage. I think not pressuring someone is more complicated than this book implies since sometimes we don’t know what will make other people feel pressured.” or, “did you know you can get free condoms or STI testing at the Public Health STI clinic in town?” Or, “When I was fourteen, I had a friend who was having unprotected sex, so I made an appointment for her to see my doctor and get birth control and went with her. If you know someone that you feel you need to do that for, you can call our doctor and make an appointment any time you like, or take them to the Sexual Health Centre.”

Yeah, we’ll see how that goes.

UPDATE: And then Hannah went to watch Big Cat Diaries and it featured lions mating. They didn’t cover anything graphic, but I seized that opportunity to add more dimension to the conversation by pointing out that this was Lion-sex and that’s how lions make babies. And she said thoughtfully, “I thought that you wouldn’t have to take your clothes off and maybe the seed from the boy’s body would come out of his mouth and go into your mouth.” And I said, “Nope, it comes out of the penis.” And her eyebrows shot up to her hairline again and I was like, “Okay, you go back to your show. We’ll talk more later. BYEEEE.”

You know when the experts talk about only giving them as much info as they’re ready for? How do you know how much they’re ready for? Do you ever feel like sex info is a big unappetizing plate of food and you keep offering them tiny spoonfuls watching to see when they gag. Only they gag after every morsel.